Fear, Falling, and Finding Strength: Living with MS
Facing Fear with Resilience: My Journey of Navigating MS Fears
In life, fear is a universal experience that we all face in different ways. Living with multiple sclerosis (MS) brings its own unique set of fears, shaping how I approach each day. One of the biggest fears for me is falling. This fear isn’t just about the potential physical pain—it’s layered with memories and the impact on those around me, especially my son. I remember a particularly hard fall when he was young; I fell over a counter, breaking ribs. I don’t want him to carry that worry with him. As he grows, I’m cautious about falling, not only for my safety but to avoid causing him anxiety.
Falling is a daily risk, one that’s heightened by osteoporosis. The thought of a fall that could leave me unable to get up alone is a constant concern. I’ve had experiences where I’ve fallen alone and managed to stay calm, knowing I was close enough to reach help. But this doesn’t lessen the fear of being in a situation where I might be unable to get up on my own.
Choking is another fear I’ve had to navigate. Sometimes, even a small piece of food or a sip of water can make my throat close up. Over time, I’ve learned to manage the panic and trust that I’ll be okay. It’s become a fear that’s familiar and manageable, but it still affects those around me who witness it.
Recently, I’ve had a new fear—of relying too much on my wheelchair. Since I started using it more often at the beginning of this year, it’s allowed me to move around the house efficiently. However, I’ve noticed how much time I spend sitting, and I worry about losing the strength in my legs. To counter this, I asked for my walker to be brought upstairs. Now, I’m using it to walk more and build back my leg strength. Staying active, even with pain, is essential to combat the fear of losing mobility and independence.
The thought of progressing to the point where I can’t drive or get around on my own is also a fear I carry. My independence is deeply important to me, and I can’t imagine needing someone else to drive me or relying entirely on a van for mobility. I’m cautious when driving, avoiding risks that might compromise my ability to keep my license. Losing the freedom to navigate the world on my own terms would be one of my greatest losses.
Facing these fears means taking small but intentional steps each day. I’ve decided to practice getting on and off the floor to prepare myself for the possibility of falling, and I’ll do this with someone nearby for safety. I’ve also committed to balancing my time in the wheelchair, using it later in the day to encourage more movement in the morning. And while weight has been a struggle, I’m working on maintaining a healthy lifestyle to keep myself strong.
Navigating these fears is an ongoing journey, one that I face with resilience and determination. I choose to keep moving forward, one step at a time, because, ultimately, I believe that fear doesn’t have to control my life.
How do you find strength in the face of fear? Have you discovered any practices or mindsets that help you keep moving forward? Share your thoughts below!
